Here's a Thought for Dec 18, 2014. Let's switch gears! Let's begin 2015 with Love, Kindness, Change & Moving Forward!

We are thrilled to announce that our special guest on December 18, 2014 on "Here's a Thought with Charles Shaughnessy" is Life Coach Oriah Mirza.


How many of us use the New Year to take stock of our lives, start new things, decide to get rid of unhappiness, addictions, sadness, weight, finances, bad situations, bad relationships, anything that has been keeping you from moving forward?  How many say, "This is the year I will learn to put myself first, love myself first, find my voice, my happiness and create an authentic life that fulfills me," but have no idea where or how to start this process?"

Working with countless people of all ages, ORIAH Mirza is a mother of five children who has developed a unique, most effective and streamlined way to clear your mind and open your heart. Clearing out old patterns and re-constructing addictions into a fresher, more in the present moment experience...a life that is more rewarding and enjoyable. Creating a Oneness authentically within you.

In her own life, she crawled out of the inner city, with multiple schools, cities, and children behind her, 15 years of a traumatic life, and self educated to end the cycle of destruction, addiction, & violence that had been passed down for generations in her family. Breaking through systems of welfare, labor, and many unspeakable events which should have ended her life early...she preserved. At 41, she is now married to her partner and best friend Riz Mirza, both global change makers. 
They raise her five children in Malibu, CA. where they have public weekly events at their beautiful ranch and numerous outreaches to organizations and individuals that are requesting a powerful re-structuring and evolution of their results.

Considered one of the most powerful thinkers of our time, Oriah is in development of her first documentaryBeen There on Domestic Violence sharing her story and many others. She is quickly becoming a sought after mentor and visionary in free thinking and beliefs that enliven and activate your life. We couldnt be happier to have her with us on "Heres A Thought," to give you the opportunity to interact with her. 
Imagine a life where you are not concerned with people judging you and you are not judging yourself.  Ask yourself, "are you ready for a change?" Post your comments and questions to Oriah, here on the blog, about how you can start to make that change, make your dreams become a reality, change your relationships or situations and reach your goals which include happiness and balance in your personal and professional life. Tweet to @C_Shaughnessy or @JanelleGlickman your questions or comments with hashtag #Oriah.  

We hope you will be as excited with this unique opportunity to interact with Oriah LIVE on the show, or in comments and questions to her that she will answer on the show, time permitting, if you are not able to join us Live, at 3 pm this Thursday, December 18th at 3 pm PST on TradioV.com/la 
all my best,
Charlie

for more information on Oriah click on this link:

Comments

  1. want wait very excited see the show tomorrow

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  2. I feel like I never have enough time to get everything done in my life. Between my kids, my husband, my job, keeping up my house, making food for everyone, there is never enough time for just me it seems. I see you have 5 kids and a husband and business. How do you do it? We can't afford help. My husband is a very good partner and helps out but we don't have time for each other it seems either. We wanted to have a family, we love our kids (ages 10 and 6) but it seems once you have a family, you need more and more money and they have more and more activities and my husband and I are the last to, well, be first. Any suggestions?

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  3. What is her honest opinion on how to deal with feelings about how people are dealing recently with the situations from the protest rigghts and peoples emotional reactions to the cafe seige of Sydney,Aus. and just yester day the bombings in Pakistan.Surely she must some advice to give concerning this?!

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  4. Like many people, I've had to work very hard to get everything in my life. Throughout all of my experiences, I have learned that certain coping techniques work, though I haven't ever really thought of why. So I'll use the opportunity to ask your opinion. The first thing I have learned that helps me feel like I am moving forward is to go outside of myself and focus on how I can use my skills and talents to help others. The question is, why does it help the individual progress if we take the focus off of ourselves and turn it towards others? The next thing I've learned works to remove the spinning my wheels feeling is the ability to laugh at myself, and the complete insanity that is my life. Again, I know it works, but I have never really thought about why the ability to find humor in inane and tedious aspects of life makes me feel more focused on moving forward. What are your thoughts?

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  5. Thank you to Cynthia, Becky & 'Anonymous' for posting such thoughtful questions. I know some of these are difficult topics to address publicly, which is why we are, for this show, allowing "Anonymous" postings here in case you want to ask questions, but are feeling a little shy about it. We hope you will post under your names, but it's ok that you don't.

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  6. The idea of thinking positive thoughts to achieve happiness and balance in your personal and professional life—sometimes there are external factors over which you have no control that prevent you from making changes. Changing jobs, for instance, because of a toxic work environment is not always an option if you have certain credentials (well, I guess it is if you think unemployment is an option). If it’s something in your personal life, sometimes change is not an option you even would want to pursue because of the circumstances. In some ways, her philosophy almost sounds like feng shui…rearrange the furniture and have a happier life. If I did that without warning my visually impaired mother, I don’t even want to think about what would happen, but it certainly wouldn’t make my life happier.

    Despite my skepticism, I would like to hear more about how she helps women who are in troubling relationships. I work with students who face those challenges, and I want to find ways to encourage them not to blame themselves for the situation. So, my question is if someone comes to you for life coaching and has a lot of obstacles in place before change can occur, how do you offer advice? Do you tell the person to throw caution to the wind and give up on all responsibilities, or do you suggest that change occurs in small increments? Because with those responsibilities often come obligations that cannot be abandoned without dire consequences.

    Becky has the right idea--often we have to find humor in situations as a coping mechanism.

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    1. Actually I don't know to many people who choose unemployment as an option. I live in a once thriving steel town and now it's a slowly dying steel town. There are thousands of displaced steel works who were forced to leave their jobs (because of the steel mills closing) who are now and were on unemployment after working for thirty plus years. They all had to start over in other places none wanted to or ever thought they would have to. So yes for them unemployment (which included schooling) was the only option while they looked for new employment. Also sometimes people do have to leave a toxic work environment for their own well being, and yes they might be on unemployment while they search for a new job. No it doesn't mean that they are week or lazy...it means that they are human and need away from the toxic environment.

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  7. I was just a young boy when I realised my home wasn not like every one elses. I newer knew what to expect when I walked through the door at home after school. If my mother was at work, it was a good day. If she was at home, that meant she had been drinking, and that "hell" would break loose as soon as my father got home. Verbal abuse, sometimes a slap on the face. I made myself invisible by being a "good boy", and staying in my room until it fealt safe to come out. At the age of 22 I met the woman who later became my wife and the mother of my children. It was then, through our mutural work with "troubled teenagers,and by Meeting her Family, I realised how lucky I was. Studies show that 7 out of 10 kids/teenagers with anger, drug, or abuse issues of some sort come from homes with parents who are struggling with the same issues. My wife is who she is today cause of loving parents who thought her right. I am where I am today cause I swore I would never become like my parents. So this is what I`m wondering- Oriah, as a mother of five, how much about your past have you told your children?Do they know everything, and do you think it`s right to be 100 % open about issues like this with young kids? Are you ever worried they will at some point experiense some of the things you went through and what are you doing to prevent that from happening?
    RN

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    1. Well, this made me cry. I was in a very similar situation as a child(though it was my biological father who had addiction issues). I too became the 'good girl', never make waves, walk on eggshells, don't do anything to upset them. It's been a long hard road and and even now at 55, the damage rears it's ugly head. You sound like an amazing father.
      I don't know Oriah's reply, but I was very open with my child about alcoholism. I knew he'd go off to college, and liquor would be available...and that perhaps he would not be able to handle it like a 'typical' person. He understood, and so far, so good. We want so much to protect them from things that we went through.

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    2. I admit I have been reluctant to share some of my own experiences, but you have mentioned one of the questions I have often considered, and am also interested in Oriah's response to. I grew up in a family where emotional abuse and passive aggressive communication were the norms. Even though emotional abuse was far more prevalent, physical abuse did occasionally happen. Though I never received any physical abuse, I remember specifically watching it between my parents as well as to my siblings. I don't know how I escaped it. But I often experienced the emotional and psychological abuse. Though my husband and I do not yet have children, I have discussed with him, at length, the sense of fear that I have for how this might affect them when we do. I fear that they would ever have anyone make them feel less valuable than they are. I fear that they will end up the emotional recluse that I was as a teenager because they don't feel like they have any way to express their emotion because they think they will be mocked. We do plan to 1) teach our kids about the different kinds of abuse that people can inflict on each other and that it can take many more faces than just what we can see on the outside and 2) teach them the damage that any form of abuse can cause. I haven't yet decided if I want to teach my children about what I went through growing up, though it might help them to know of the insecurities it causes even now that I am 34. I do know that, when the time is right, I plan to tell them about certain other abuses I experienced from a non-family member as a teenager because I will want them to know how to protect themselves, and that they will always have someone with whom they can talk and be open and honest. Based on my family's communication growing up, I didn't have that, and I have to wonder if, had my home life been different, if it wouldn't have continued for two years. I have learned that you can't have a better past; you can only build on it to avoid repeating the same mistakes. At least that's my goal for my own family. Thank you for your thoughts and insights. Thank you for the example that we can overcome what holds us back. Hang in there, it sounds like you are doing your best, and doing a good job at the same time and that's all anyone can ever ask for.

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    3. It's amazing how many people I meet, who have the same family background. How sad that it is so prevalent, and yet we all "keep quiet". It is so difficult for anyone, but especially a child, to have terrible things happening and no one to advocate for them(this happened to me in the 60s, no services then). "The Problem" rules the house, everything depends on how "the person" is behaving, what mood they're in, and what mood you are doing everything to avoid. A child learns quickly that their needs are secondary, that 'not feeding the beast' is the way to get through the day. The other adults in the home are overwhelmed too. Such a pervasive and tragic situation for all.

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    4. My kids are aware that there are issues with their grandparents,they know enough to understand why they don`t come around too often and they accept that. I did ok, more than ok. I have a good marriage, great kids, my own house, a job,more than I ever thought I would have or even want. I just think that no kid who has experienced achohol or drug abuse or a parent being abused walks away totally care free. My life is good, better than good,but I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I was a different type of person. It would be so easy to follow in the footsteps of my parents and like I said before, 7 out of 10 kids do just that. For Oriah to still be standing after everything she has been through is a GREAT achievement! Looking forward to the show today,as always.
      RN

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  8. I have had a lot of loss in my life in the last few years. If one more person tells me that God only gives you as much as you can handle I may hit them. I have the right to grieve the loss of people that died too young, that died unexpectedly, that I thought would be in my life until I was older, who I miss desperately.

    I cope. I even laugh now. I go to work and see my friends and family in social situations, but what I want to know is how do you get through the times when you are home alone and you feel like your heart is just going to shatter into pieces from grief? Where you cry so hard you think, I can’t possibly have more tears?

    The holidays are especially hard because all of those people are no longer there. And what do you say to those people who are trying SO hard to say the right thing to you, but it never seems to be. To let them know there is no timetable on grief and if I feel like being alone, it's because I need to be. Thank you.

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    1. I don't know what Oriah will have to say, but I will say you definitely have every right to mourn the unexpected loss of a loved one. Don't ever be afraid of your feelings or feel that you have to hide your emotions. I know from too much personal experience how unhealthy that is. I have mentioned how it has helped me to learn how to go outside of myself and help others so that I can feel like my life is going in a positive direction. I have not mentioned how much it took for me to learn how to let others help me carry my own burdens. No matter how alone you may feel, I hope that you know you are not. I don't know your story, or the sense of loss and pain that you feel. I won't pretend that I know what you are going through, because I don't know you and I don't know your experiences. I do, however, know the sense of emptiness, loss and seemingly endless pain that can come from the death of a loved one. I know that there are probably days when you smile and feel happy and then, almost instantly, feel guilty because you feel happy when your loved one is not around to share it with you. There are probably nights when you cry yourself to sleep and then wake up at three in the morning only to wonder if you ever stopped crying. I'm sure there are days when you don't know how you can ever be happy again. I can't pretend to know the loss you are feeling, and ever-present ache of knowing that you have to keep going without them near you to share the journey. The only thing that I can do is encourage you to allow others to help you carry the burden that weighs you down. You don't have to do it alone. It's hard to let go of some of the burden you feel on your shoulders, to let someone else come along and help you carry the weight. Allowing others to help carry the burdens that pile upon us is not a sign of weakness, rather a symbol of our need to support and lift one another. this is not to pretend that it will make the pain or emptiness go away completely, but rather it allows us spread the weight and allow others to help us carry a weight that threatens to immobilize us with grief and loneliness. For me, it took a long time to learn to allow others to help me carry my burdens because they are so personal. But, if we aren't here to help each other out, what are we here for? Be strong, and stick with it. Allow the people who love you to help and lift you. Find someone that you can help and with whom you can share a part of your personal journeys. You can make it. You are right, there is no timetable for grief. Sometimes we need to be alone with our thoughts and our grief, so don't be afraid of that. Just, please, don't feel like you have to carry the entire weight alone.

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    2. It is so hard when you lose people close to you, especially young ones. I lost my brother at 19 and I never really got over it completely, then a long time after that, lost both my parents in one year. I am sure Oriah will be able to help, but all I can say is that in time, you learn to live with the loss and eventually, laugh and have fun again. It is hard and it does take time.

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    3. Becky, what a beautiful and heartfelt reply!! Anonymous, it WILL get better, and of course the holidays are when it hits you full force. I'm so very sorry for all of your losses. Hallmark and movies have given us an image of the holidays that isn't reality for anyone I know. It's hard enough to suffer, but it's made harder by "seeing" images of happy, multi-generational families all gathered together. Wish I could give you a hug in person.

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  9. Oriah, I spent a bit of time perusing your website(the one Charlie linked above), and I have a question that hits close to home for our family. I noticed that you have a link for people who are depressed or experiencing trauma, which took me to a page that said "If you are currently experiencing trauma, and are emotionally distraught, have deep fear that is debilitating, suicidal, depressed, or have many dangerous addictions I recommend you begin with my husband Intuitive channel, psychic medium Riz Mirza." Have most of your clients been unsuccessful with traditional medical help? I was surprised that you did not have a phone number for a suicide hotline or 24 hr mental health lines. Do you refer clients for psychiatric help, and then go from there once they are more stable? Or do you prefer to do things 100% alternative therapy, and if so, what are your hesitations about medications to help stabilize brain chemistry?

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  10. I am adding this comment onto the blog from Roxy who posted on Twitter:

    Roxy ‏@skat35
    #Oriah how did you get over the hopeless feeling of poverty? the feeling that is so hard to climb out of the cycle alone. It does seem that people will judge you if you are poor. some think you did something or not did enough to help yourself.

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  11. You have some very interesting points MissJoAnn!
    If a client is suicidal or in need of immediate counseling can they call a helpline that is linked to or through you?
    I am also curious as to your feelings about medications to help stabilize someone's brain chemistry?
    I have bipolar, depression and anxiety and I actually looked at it as a brain disease no different than someone who is a diabetic. They have to take medicine to control their blood sugar and I take medicine to control my moods.

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  12. Oriah, my question is one that affects a lot of people. In spite of being a relatively successful, intelligent person, I have a hard time speaking to people I don't know and really cannot handle speaking in front of a large group. I could never do what Charlie does! They would have to drag me onto a stage! Lol! As a child, they said I was shy but I think it was more self conscious than shy. Since, as a teacher, there are times I have to speak in front of a group of people, I was wandering if there is something I can do to overcome being so self conscious and getting tongue tied!
    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on all these different topics!

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  13. Hi!
    A question for Oriah :
    Beside your job as a personal coach -and your husband as a psychic medium if I'm right- do you both do voluntary work for groups or charity organizations with whom you're involved or partners and who can't afford your services?
    Looking forward to watch next show ;-)

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  14. Hi Everyone,

    There's so many detailed questions here I will try to answer today on the show. I can answer a couple now, there is crisis hotline numbers added to my site, and yes, I am involved as a member of various non profits. Girl Up, an amazing youth empowered program for young women, United Nations Association, a major human rights organization in which I am involved in the planning committee for the Global Forum Citizen of the Year Award every Sept. I am a member of NoMore, a major domestic violence non profit, Alexandria House, a transitional shelter in Los Angeles which helps homeless women and children, and traffickers who are in recovery. Alexandria House is partnered with my film, and the women of the shelter will be on my documentary 'Been There", showing their transformation through fear and suffering with my donated time which I am so looking forward to.

    I am also a member of other various amazing non profits like 1 Billion Rising that bring awareness to women's rights and human right's.. If you ever want to be involved in these amazing causes, please join! CAST (Coalition Against Slavery and Trafficking) will be hosting a 1.5 mile walk to raise awareness about Trafficking Jan 10th, 9am-10am.

    After I pulled myself out of violence, depression, alcoholism, and mental and emotional instability...not only was my life so worth living and so fulfilling I wanted to share it with anyone who would listen. I do not have a degree, or am certified in any therapy programs. No. I am a human being that step by step walked myself to inner freedom through self love and determination to feel good and stay alive. But, why did I want to stay alive when everything was stacked against me? Well, that is the topic we will be talking about today.

    No doctrines, techniques, religions, psychology, memorization, programs, or philosophies. I was too burned out for that. I need a simple way to really change my inner world. And I did. My joy is shared daily with anyone who is interested for themselves, and I am also always very excited to meet others who have done it too. I am looking forward to meeting all of you, and taking your questions. No question is too hard or difficult. I was a tough nut to crack when I started, my story is not as traumatic as some and considered more traumatic by others. It was my personal hell. So, I can relate to anyone who is suffering. There's degrees of unhappiness, I know. And anger. Anger was my best friend for 3 decades. So to live without anger and aggression was literally like going back and starting over, clean slate. Which is what I did.

    If you are curious, or in disbelief or want support, please call in today and I am very happy to help anyone with their questions. Thank you.

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    1. I found the show today very interesting. It is to your credit, Oriah, that you were able to turn your life around and the way that you did it, is inspiring! And, it seems, for the most part, you did it on your own. I just wander how many women or men, in a similar situation, would love to stop and re evaluate and turn their life in another direction, but can't afford to put their life on hold. Too many people, because of their financial situation, find themselves stuck and in need of help!
      I am looking forward to you returning to Here's A Thought so we can explore this topic some more.

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    2. My thoughts were similar, Sharon. Especially the women in domestic violence situations, they often don't work(a way for the man to control them and the money), have no real marketable skills, couldn't survive an interview because they are so emotionally battered they think they are stupid and worthless. But I guess that's the extreme situation, while Oriah was speaking in 'the big picture'.
      My direct question to Oriah is, what was going on with your children during this time? As an adult child of an alcoholic, I was much older before I was able to get through all of the baggage. The story you tell about yourself, makes me curious how your kids handled it then, and are still handling it now. And question #2, did your cravings for alcohol disappear when you decided to change, or it that still a daily struggle?

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    3. Oriah Thank you for sharing your very powerful story!

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    4. So enjoyed this story! thank you for sharing! reminded me so much of myself. My fave part was where you guys talked about primal fear and reaction. How we need to choose to not continue to be the helpless victim or react in such a way. I actually had a boyfriend tell me when we broke up. " You are going to continue to be the victim as long as you play the part." Thought he was being mean but after hearing this story, maybe not. agree with Charlie that this story could help others get healing faster.

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    5. Like when a person that was a victim once or multiple times of a crime or pain that can cause you put up walls as protection. Then the reaction is the same over and over because as soon as you feel hurt again, you have aha moment of..I knew it. Knew this would happen. Knew shouldn't trust again or love, care again. One can become stuck in this cycle and is so hard to break out of. You are angry, hurting then start to blame others. Then comes withdrawal causing more depression. Trust is a huge issue for me still. But still we are responsible and accountable for our behavior and can't expect different outcomes without changes.changes. Oriah explains this well. Sometimes people do need help to get pulled out of the cycle. When you don't know how you arrived this far down becomes very difficult to see what YOUR doing wrong. What choices are you making wrong? Then if you stay in it abuse or trama, you become more victimized and more angry (the cycle). Or your self esteem becomes so low that you tell yourself I;m not worthy of anything more or better so i'll just sit here and give up. At least that my explanation of the cycle. The primal reaction or protecting yourself cause you to over react and become to angry or to emotional. Then began to question, am i bipolar or PTSD ? Makes me feel more like is my fault or i'm odd or different which causes even more withdraw making the problem worse. Add poverty to the mix, even more hopelessness and unhappiness Recipe for disaster and failure.for sure. .

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  15. Thank you Oriah for answering my question.
    Couldn't watch the show live. Will listen to the podcast now during breakfast ;-)

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  16. Hi! I just watched the show few minutes ago (it is broadcasted here (Israel) at 1:00 am and currently lying in bed with my flu I couldn’t hold my eyes or ears opened last night for the live broadcast)
    WOW! That was a very insightful and inspiring session. I was really impressed by the self- Consciousness and inner powers of Oriah Mirza.
    I do have to admit one thing kept my thoughts during listening to what was said: anyone who takes basic courses in sociology or psychology knows that usually people who find themselves in lower places are those without strong will power or ability to pull themselves out of the deep halls they are sucked into.. Because someone who is strong enough to deal with such challenges wouldn’t probably fall in there in the first place. So when Oriah is talking about how she suddenly realized where she was and started this amazing process of cleaning herself inside out, I wonder what happens to people who cannot reach that point where they realize by themselves. Most people probably need someone to pull them out. Even those who do realize they need help, need to change their lives, need to reboot, or whatever you name it. I mean I was very impressed by her power and ability to save herself from her own destructive tendency and change her way of thinking, but what about those who are weaker than her, which is usually the case. Where do these people find the rope to pull them up? Is she saying that actually one does not need others to save his life and anyone can do what she did? Is that really realistic?

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    1. Welcome Galit! So excited that you are watching the show in the archives in Israel and told us about it!! Thanks for participating in the blog as well. Welcome!!! Charlie and Janelle

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    2. Hi Galit, it's great to have you in on the discussion. I don't know that the point was to say that someone who is struggling and going through their own personal hell should never have to rely on others. In fact, the point was made that everyone who finds themselves in situations like this needs to find something that works for them. For Oriah, it sounds like she was in a position where she realized that she had to do some things for herself because either no one else would or could. For some people, that's what works for them. Some people need to completely deconstruct and reconstruct their lives, leaving the negative aspects out in order to build upon the good. For others, it can be someone else who comes along and helps lend strength to the individual trying to pull themselves up and out of a bad situation. And still, at other times, as was the case in some of my own experience, for some people, what it takes is to have someone else come along who can show the individual that they have the inner strength to make changes happen and also help them learn how to tap into that strength; after the individual has learned how to tap into their own inner strength, the second person somehow becomes less directly involved in the process. Again, I only speak for myself and from my own experience and don't claim to know the answer Oriah will give. But I think that, everyone is different, and, no matter how many similarities may exist between them, each person's situation is different and affected by the culmination of all of the circumstances surrounding each person and each individual experience. That's what makes each of these experiences so much of a personal hell for those living with it.
      Hope you get feeling better soon!

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    3. Thank you Charlie and Janelle! I am excited to be here and I find your show very interesting.
      Merry Christmas and happy New Year! Shana Tova!
      (after watching about 50 reruns of "the nanny" I'm pretty sure you are familiar this Hebrew expression as well :)

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